We all know that resolutions are very hard to keep.  Gym membership peaks in January and drops significantly by mid-February.  I know that I will find these resolutions hard to keep.

Resolution #6 is scary, and I will have to take this one on in small steps.

Resolution #5 is hard, because my immediate response when a post hits me emotionally is to react without reflection.

Resolution #4 is emotionally challenging.

Resolution #3 requires patience, a virtue I've had a lifelong struggle with.

Resolution #2 takes conscious self-monitoring.

Resolution #1 is probably the easiest one for me, but the part about openness -- that's going to take some self-monitoring, too.

So, if we are friends on Facebook, you're going to see me slip up, but not give up.  These resolutions are not about fitness, or keeping a cleaner house, resolutions that can be forgotten in 6 weeks with no consequence to anyone but me and my family.

I started thinking about these resolutions in December. I had an very good idea what of was ahead of us this January. Nothing though could have prepared me for the real life horror of spending  half of a day watching American insurgents storm our Capitol and try to prevent Congress from carrying out a Constitutional process.

Because it is a highly significant (though by no means  only) source of division and extremism,  I am resolved to step out of the echo chamber, and I invite you to come with me.   The readings that have influenced my thinking are listed below.

And that has to be the hardest resolution of all.  I also think it may be the most important.

​Social media is an approval machine. That's what makes it so compelling. That's also what makes it an echo chamber. We seek approval, we get approval, and the algorithms behind the scenes promote the loudest voices. The real winners are the platforms and  advertisers.  I heard it put this way by Johan Goldberg on an NPR interview this morning, platforms "monitize dopamine clicks."

When we disagree with our peers, we don't get liked, and we may get flamed -- if not by our friends, by our friends' friends. I know from my readings on division that I am by no means alone in echoing and amplifying the voices of my community. I also know I am not alone when I avoid expressing views that could alienate me from my friends or invite harsh criticism.

I am a liberal with progressive leanings who doesn't agree with every progressive position. The truth is it is much easier for me to post and comment on issues I know the right will disagree with than on issues many of my friends on the left will disagree with.  This is every bit as true for right leaning people. And it's  understandable. We're herd animals. 

But the echo chamber not only perpetuates and intensifies a "I'm right; you're wrong" culture that is quite literally killing us, it blinds us to complexity and stifles our creativity. So I make the most difficult of these resolutions today. Tomorrow, one last resolution, that I know I am going to need.

I have throughout the Trump Era assured my Republican friends and relatives that I love you and am deeply committed to your right to disagree with me.  Respectful dialogue across party lines makes us stronger.

I have also throughout the Trump Era emphasized that Trump and the ultra right do not stand for Republican values. Not the values of the Bushes, Reagan, Eisenhower, or actually even Nixon. 

Yesterday brought this home in just the way I long feared it would.  This morning, all I want to say is this: 

I continue to respect true Republicans, even as we differ. 

I ask for your respect in return. 

I have no respect for violence and hatred.

I will not call an insurrection a protest.

I will always stand up for Democracy.

For all our differences, I respect the Republicans who placed integrity, The Constitution, and the rule of law first by condemning the insurgents and following the rules to certify the election.

That's Democracy.

Yesterday, I would have posted my penultimate Exiting the Echo Chamber Resolution and today I would have posted the final one with a list of the readings that inspired them.  I will get back to them this week-end. They matter.

But for the rest of today, I will just sit with this in prayer and reflection. 

Everything I've read about division points to social media as one of the primary sources of polarization and misinformation.  That's not news to me, yet I catch myself in the kinds of knee jerk reactions that contribute to the mess we're in. I like and share before I fact check.  I comment before I process and reflect.

It requires a concentrated effort on my part not to immediately react in some way, thereby echoing  people I agree with and pushing  away people I don't agree with.  I find that when I do wait at least 2 hours (sometimes I've waited longer than a day) to respond, my responses are  calmer and better thought out. . 

When I agree: Sometimes I find out through research what I was about to share is not really true.  Sometimes on reflection I realize that, true or not, a post nearly shared, was expressed with a shrillness I really don't want to echo. 

When I disagree: Sometimes, if I just mull it over, I begin to recognize the other person has a valid point. Sometimes, I still disagree but the time I have spent away from the screen has helped me form a deeper, and probably more persuasive response.

When I comment or create a new post: My responses show more maturity, reflection, and grace when I wait, and even write them out in long hand first.

And sometimes, imagine, I realize my own opinion is not so godawful important that everyone has to know about it, so I say nothing at all.

Oh but it's hard. It's so hard. One day, at a time of blatantly ugly rhetoric against immigration, I was in the grocery store. The man ahead of me in line said to the checker, a woman with darker skin and an accent, "ICE is looking for you."  I said, "She's welcome here. You're not." 

The man exploded at me so loudly and threateningly I had to call for the manager, who asked him to leave.

I would have been right to "call in" his behavior. I was wrong to attack him personally. All I did was escalate the animosity between "his side" and "my side."

I've begun to work on this.  I try to pause before I speak. I rehearse scenarios in my head: if such and such happened, how would I respond? I review my mistakes and try to  write a better script for next time. I evaluate encounters I witness, to learn from others' positive and negative examples. I spend a little time daily in quiet meditation.  I read all I can find about talking across the divide. I make mistakes, forgive myself, and begin again.

I am looking forward to Loretta Ross's forthcoming book, Calling in the Call Out Culture.  Earlier in this blog I discussed several books that have helped me with dialogue. I made notes on the books  to review often, because it's hard to remember recommendations when I feel on the spot. 

Two other books have been generally helpful for me when I am angry at others' actions. 

The Book of Forgiving, by Desmond and Mpho Tutu
Creating True Peace, by Thich Nhat Hahn 
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​The books linked in this post take you to smile.amazon.com.  Purchasing through this link supports the work of the non-profit Enrichment Alliance of Virginia, which I manage. All of these books can be purchased through other vendors, including your local bookstore, which also needs your support.

​Forbes Magazine list the following as the most unbiased news sources.  Some readers may have their own biases against these news sources, however.  Forbes also mentions several wire sources, such as Reuters. Following wire sources can be a great way to get to the heart of an information stream.  
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This article includes several runners up, so if your favorite news source is not in this top ten, don't assume it is not a reliable source; Check for your source in the article. And even if it isn't listed, don't give up on it.  Just balance your preferred sources of information with other services. This is only one resource, and I recognize that it may reflect Forbes' own biases.  

I have read that it is also important to get different perspective, so I do include some
​ right and left leaning sources in my newsfeed. At the same time, if the extreme bias of an article is going to infuriate me, I put it down. I don't feel prepared to participate in a more rational, compassionate discourse if I am fuming.